Tuesday, May 17, 2011

“Raise your right hand and repeat after me, I am a hypocrite”



You know the problem with going on public record? You are on public record! Anything you say or do can and will be used against you in a court of public opinion (and a court of law.) That sentiment is illuminated, magnified then compounded especially when one holds public office. So imagine the unrelenting scrutiny levied when scores of congressmen, senators, and public officials who are sworn to uphold specific moral codes of conduct are repeatedly arrested and arraigned for engaging in illicit transgressions and ultimately, hypocrisy. That particular spotlight’s glare takes much longer to fade.

Scandals are nothing new in politics but as of late, the purveyors of indecent acts have attempted to mask their hidden desires from the most absurd of positions; perched atop their moral high horse cast in the role of primary adversary. From Eliot Spitzer’s crack down on prostitution to Larry Craig’s stance on gay rights (Don’t ask, don’t tell) to John Ensign’s devout stance on the sanctity of marriage, elected officials have decided that as long as they publicly vilify an act, no one would ever suspect that they also indulge in said lewd behavior. Suffice it to say that these individuals have not been allowed to operate with impunity once their actions are brought to light.

This all seems reminiscent of a blindly nefarious individual who held staunch negative opinions of African Americans all the while belonging to the same race of people he once described as “good for nothing tricksters” and constantly breathing up “all the white man’s air”. I am speaking of Clayton Bigsby. Thankfully Clayton Bigsby is a fictitious character from the now defunct Dave Chapelle Show so although outlandish, his behavior is understandable as it is fabricated. Clayton was also literally blind which somewhat explained his self-loathing behavior. Unfortunately the real Clayton Bigbys of the world (Dick Cheney, Strom Thurman), who opposed gay marriage while having a homosexual daughter (as pointed out on numerous occasions by John Edwards during the vice presidential debates), and who holds the world record for longest congressional filibuster against civil rights but fathered a half African American daughter respectively, were not blind. Dick and Strom were visibly short sighted however.

At some point one has to discern which is more immoral; conspiring to convince a contingent of the populous who genuinely believe in their cause that you stand in solidarity or having the congressional authority to legislate against these causes while secretly ascribing, merely to appease swing voters, lobbyist and constituents. One fact is, was and always will be certain; No one likes a hypocrite.
Here’s a list of some of the most recent “do as I say but not as I do” officials to whom we entrust ours government and faith.

  1. Larry ”Happy feet” Craig­ – Larry was arrested for attempting to solicit some man lovin’ in a bathroom stall from an undercover police officer. Larry has a long standing record of anti gay positions including voting against legislation to have crimes against homosexuals considered hate crimes in addition to same sex marriage unions.
  2. Charlie “By any ways and means necessary” Rrangel - Member of the house of representatives who chaired the committee that writes tax laws but couldn’t seem to pay his own taxes. Charlie was eventually censured for his actions in addition to several ethics violations.
  3. Dick “I used to oppose gay marriage when I was VP but now I’m for it because I have a gay daughter” Cheney
  4. Bishop Eddie “That is not what Jesus would do“ Long – senior pastor of a Baptist mega church who administered sexual orientation programs to “cure” homosexuals. Bishop Long was recently accused of having countless homosexual encounters with multiple partners. 
  5. Ted “I’m not a homosexual but I play one in real life” Haggard-anti gay preacher who eventually resigned all positions after homosexual encounters with a masseuse became public. Ted currently claims bisexuality
  6. Mark “I wanna text you up” Foley was forced to resign amidst allegations of sending sexually suggestive messages to underage boys (congressional pages). Mark has a long standing record of anti gay legislation in addition to chairing the House Caucus on Missing and Exploited Children.
  7. John ”say I do to my wife and yours” Ensign – champion of marriage rights who paid off his friend after having an affair with his wife. Mark was extremely vocal in calling for the ousting of President Clinton during his affair with Monica Lewinsky. John was quoted as saying that “Marriage is the cornerstone on which our society is founded” during his attempts to have same sex marriages barred.
  8. Eliot “client #9“ Spitzer – led crusade against prostitution only to have his political career undone by engaging in seedy acts with, yes you guess it, a prostitute. Eliot eventually resigned as Governor of New York as a result.
  9. Bernard “charity begins at homeland security” Kerik –former NYC police commissioner arrested for countless crimes and misdemeanors. Bernie’s transgressions were discovered after he was nominated for homeland security czar.
  10. Multiple catholic priests – Touching little boys in their holy area.


Bonus - Clayton The black white supremacist Bigsby- the 1st black and blind member of the Ku Klux Klan.
Double Bonus - Honorable mention to J. Edgar Hoover who as director of the F.B.I, broke more laws than were written at that point in history.

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