Leave it To Cleavage

I've been debating lately about how / why women wear revealing clothing to attract attention then shun the attention once received. I never understood why women would pull out 3/4th of their boobies (nipples securely fastened with industrial strength, 3M Clear Nipple Tape of course) then become incensed when I looked, uh stared, uh gawked, uh drooled. Clearly they've conducted field studies and are aware of the effects on men. I have witnessed accidents of all sorts and on multiple occasions due to Titty Inhalation, including a man walking head first into a light pole. Who knew the human head could make such a sound (“Coong!” I believe it was?) Picture dropping a rock from eye level on an empty metal pot . . . with a microphone on the inside of the pot. I wonder if Geico has Titty insurance (“now tell me whose watchin”). So why do women put themselves (and us) through all of this if it offends them so? I just can't seem to figure out who’s the objectifier and whose being objectified. I mean, every time I unearth my penis from its sheath, the whole room fades to black, women lose focus, start trying to strike up random conversation and offer to buy me drinks. Suffice it to say,  I have learned to use "The Force" and only when necessary.  If women really wanted to be respected for other attributes and weren’t just hunting in their own passive aggressive manner, why is the first thing to turn the corner their exposed ICBM's (Intercontinental Baby-Milk Machines)?

 After engaging everyone on earth and online on this subject, I concluded the following points:  

1.  Competition is apparently at unprecedented levels as it relates to garnering attention from men and  some women feel the need to measure up to socially accepted, sex appeal standards by Any Means  Necessary (not quite sure that's what brother Malcolm intended).
   
2.  Self esteem and sex esteem have become interchangeable.
   
3.  Men like titties.
   
4.  Who am I to judge?
   

 As was pointed out to me mid-rant; we all have esteem issues, so who am I to deem one method of self valuation more appropriate than another? Afrykan that's who! And as any African will tell you, we know everything so stop defending your supercilious opinions and listen to mine. Some people work out to feel better about themselves and some read, write, dance, shop, dress scantly, drink, use drugs, etc.  A long standing solution that seems to be universally effective is loving oneself first before seeking attention from others. Some women believe pretty girls have it easier and that they need to do any and everything to resemble the desired female archetype. This may be true, however,

1.  Looks are relative and will fade.
   
2. Your personality better be as enticing as your succulent orbs. French fries alone do not a happy meal make!
   
3. For every pretty girl out there, there is a guy trying to find new and exciting ways to avoid her phone call.
   
4.  If you advertise sex, that is what men will come looking to buy.
   
5.  Whatever you looked like when men met you, you are expected to maintain that aesthetic so be careful where you set the bar.
   
6. The benefits of eating right and exercising regularly far outweigh any skimpy outfit in your repertoire. 
   

 Now if you will excuse me, I need a drink and funds are low so you know what that means. Fade to black (see above).