Sunday, June 12, 2011

The Reverse Dating Game

Men of New York, the eyes of Marsha are upon us! Fourscore and 7 years ago (give or take eighty years) my NYC brethren and I perused countless bars and clubs in an effort to come away with a phone number (at the very least) for the night. After all, we invested decades honing our approach (“Damn girl, you sexy as hell”), tens of thousands of dollars on hunting tools (vehicles, Gordon Gartrell originals, haircuts including tip), 45 minutes waiting for our ride to the club, and 50 bucks on mojitos and apple martinis so we‘d all be dammed if this effort didn’t result in a number that when entered telephonically, connected us to that sultry temptress of our choosing. Those days seem to be dwindling as the number of available men allegedly dissipates and the numbers of single women multiply. All the anxt that comes with figuring out how to be charming without being cheesy, witty without being likened to Bozo the clown and assertive but not reminiscent of a recently paroled ex con has now become a burden our female counterparts must also bear. It seems the hunter has become the hunted.

In as much as most women detest the idea of initiating contact during a full courting press, there is a slow but begrudging admission that the tides are in fact shifting. There are only so many instances a gazelle legged damsel can adorn her 4 inch stilettos and “freak um” dress only to come away empty handed before she begins to question the natural order of the universe. So what seems to be the quagmire (giggity)? Are all men gay, married, in relationships, digital pimps on social networking sites, too shy to approach women, not financially equipped enough to follow through, overwhelmed by the insane numbers of women to choose from, or just plain tired of rejection? The answer is yes.

The bad news is that change is seldom easily adopted. The main gripes I have heard from chicas regarding the paradigm shift include:

  1. Breach of protocol a.k.a “Men are supposed to approach us!”
  2. “Men don’t like women that approach them.” (this is a fallacy btw)
  3. “Rejection sucks!!” (this is not a fallacy btw)
The good news is that some women are beginning to understand just how difficult it is to approach a stranger and within 15 minutes, leave a favorable and potentially lasting impression. Empathy is a MOFO ain’t it?! Hopefully, women will keep all these complexities in mind the next time they decide to emotionally dismantle some poor schmuck for his social awkwardness.
So now that you ladies are tasked with conjuring up innovative methods of approaching men, I am curious to see what type of female ingenuity lies ahead. Will female construction workers whistle and blow kisses at men with nice butts as they walk by? Will lines like “Don’t I know you from somewhere?” and “Pssst” become customary diction for the female vernacular? Whatever you lovely ladies decide, I will be eagerly awaiting your attempts as a sit at the bar with no money in my wallet waiting for some female to buy me a drink.

Sidebar: Females should keep in mind that the man who has mastered picking up women did not earn his masters degree with you so you may want to be a bit leery of all the guys as smooth as Billy Dee Williams and as interesting as the Dos Equis man. Stay thirsty my friends. Sidebar complete.


nicola said...

slim sexy looking for her neanderthal...come old school baby, come old school, and if you sway me with that nice cologne, fresh breath and witty joke, please call first, don't text..

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