Monday, July 20, 2009

Leave it To Cleavage

I've been debating lately about how / why women wear revealing clothing to attract attention then shun the attention once received. I never understood why women would pull out 3/4th of their boobies (nipples securely fastened with industrial strength, 3M Clear Nipple Tape of course) then become incensed when I looked, uh stared, uh gawked, uh drooled. Clearly they've conducted field studies and are aware of the effects on men. I have witnessed accidents of all sorts and on multiple occasions due to Titty Inhalation, including a man walking head first into a light pole. Who knew the human head could make such a sound (“Coong!” I believe it was?) Picture dropping a rock from eye level on an empty metal pot . . . with a microphone on the inside of the pot. I wonder if Geico has Titty insurance (“now tell me whose watchin”). So why do women put themselves (and us) through all of this if it offends them so? I just can't seem to figure out who’s the objectifier and whose being objectified. I mean, every time I unearth my penis from its sheath, the whole room fades to black, women lose focus, start trying to strike up random conversation and offer to buy me drinks. Suffice it to say,  I have learned to use "The Force" and only when necessary.  If women really wanted to be respected for other attributes and weren’t just hunting in their own passive aggressive manner, why is the first thing to turn the corner their exposed ICBM's (Intercontinental Baby-Milk Machines)?

 After engaging everyone on earth and online on this subject, I concluded the following points:  

  1.  Competition is apparently at unprecedented levels as it relates to garnering attention from men and  some women feel the need to measure up to socially accepted, sex appeal standards by Any Means  Necessary (not quite sure that's what brother Malcolm intended).
  2.  Self esteem and sex esteem have become interchangeable.
  3.  Men like titties.
  4.  Who am I to judge?

 As was pointed out to me mid-rant; we all have esteem issues, so who am I to deem one method of self valuation more appropriate than another? Afrykan that's who! And as any African will tell you, we know everything so stop defending your supercilious opinions and listen to mine. Some people work out to feel better about themselves and some read, write, dance, shop, dress scantly, drink, use drugs, etc.  A long standing solution that seems to be universally effective is loving oneself first before seeking attention from others. Some women believe pretty girls have it easier and that they need to do any and everything to resemble the desired female archetype. This may be true, however,

  1.  Looks are relative and will fade.
  2. Your personality better be as enticing as your succulent orbs. French fries alone do not a happy meal make!
  3. For every pretty girl out there, there is a guy trying to find new and exciting ways to avoid her phone call.
  4.  If you advertise sex, that is what men will come looking to buy.
  5.  Whatever you looked like when men met you, you are expected to maintain that aesthetic so be careful where you set the bar.
  6. The benefits of eating right and exercising regularly far outweigh any skimpy outfit in your repertoire. 

 Now if you will excuse me, I need a drink and funds are low so you know what that means. Fade to black (see above).


Anonymous said...

Mr. Afrykan,
Sad but true! But I will say that this is the case of what comes first the chicken or the egg.
Yeah a woman should truly love herself and not objectify herself to get the attention of men. But men should stop objectifying women and love them for who they are!
Most Women show their cleavage because they know that it gets a man's attention. So men should stop paying it so much attention then women will stop. It is ineteresting to me that men say that women should stop objectifying themselves when they truly know that they are "visual beings". Naturally you are enticed by what you see way before how you feel. So the girl walking down the street with her boobs out gets your attention much quicker than the one dress in black cloth from head to toe reading Shakespeare.
It would be nice if we all could walk around with brands or postings stamped to our heads that say "I'm the nice girl" "I'm smart" "i'm emotionally available and supportive" "I stand by man", "I can cook!" But you cannot get to all of that unless you have something on the outside that draws the man in. Before you can get that a man is sizing you up: "She's not light enough, small enough, big enough, I'm an ass man she doesn't do it for me.!"Its like a job search should it matter that you dress up for the interview or should you lie or say say something clever on your resume or cover letter to get the reader's attention. The answer is yes, because you have to get your foot in the door before you can show them how qualified, talented or intelligent you are.
So Mr. Afrykan,
If you don't want just titties stop empowering them!
One note though,
I have DD's and I love them! It doesn't matter whether I'm showing them off they seem to get attention anyhow. I am buxom and proud why not show take the "girls out for a walk" once in a while! When I want to make dudes drool, stop mid conversation, gawk and stare I wear soemthing that shows them off. That doesn't mean I want you to throw down and smother yourself in them! These tatas are my assets not my entire portfolio.That just means that I am proud to be a thick girl and I have something that I want you to see and perhaps like just as much as I do! Maybe if I'm or your lucky it will open the door to show a man that my portfolio is truly diversified!

Saeedah said...


Being a female with ample ass and breasts, I often wondered why women who are similiarly situated feel the need to exploit these features. It occurred to me that they just want attention. We live in a society devoid of intimacy,so we snatch crumbs of attention from any Tom, Dick, Sean, and Nequan and gobble them up. Men and Women frequently confuse sex with love. Our prescribed roles as "predator" and "prey" are just manifestations of our warped sense of identity. We dwell in a perpetual court of law where everyone we encounter is both judge and jury. Scantily clad or fully clothed, you will be judged regardless.

Alas, ascribing blame to the objectified or objectifier is pointless. It's all a game. We are all engaged in a primitive dance that finds its origins in nature.In nature, the female of the species ususally displays some attractive color or sprays her scent to attract males for mating. The same is true of women and men. So next time you see breasts on display take a good long look, wipe the drool from your lip, and smile.

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