Wednesday, August 6, 2008


What exactly does ugly mean? I would like to define ugly as Wendy Williams and Star Jones mud wrestling without make up. Better still; Shabba Ranks in the morning after a hard night of drinking and bar fights. Bubba Sparxx tried to enlighten us a few years back regarding the subjectivity of ugly but we as good Americans, as always, do not take heed. The contextual definition is as follows; Displeasing to the eye; unsightly. Morally reprehensible; bad. Threatening or ominous. I thought about what ugly really meant as I watched Flavor of Love reruns (forced against my will of course. A self professed intellect such as myself could never reduce his standards of fine television entertainment to the likes of Sir Flav-a-lot & Co). Flavor of Love was yet another unnecessary ornament on the scripted reality TV Christmas tree. The premise of the show is such that, one lucky female contestant will merit the opportunity to become the significant other of Flavor Flav (of Public Enemy fame). The catch; Flavor Flav is not traditionally referenced when discussing handsome men unless offered as a counter argument. The lucky lady, if that is what you want to call her, will get the opportunity to share the lavish rock star lifestyle that Flavor allegedly leads. Popular perception is Flav has no real riches and hasn’t for quite some time. Be that as it may, these women seem hell bent on winning Flav over with their charm and professions of undying love for their “bookie boo”.
The ugliest part of the show in my opinion, are the contestants. These aspiring gold diggers / fame hungry pheasants, with the exception of Hoops whom I love dearly (she’s hot) , are at best, D rated actresses striving to achieve the American dream; Capitalize and achieve financial stability at all costs! No one seems to care that these women, most of whom have a translucent layer of stripper residue coating there outer shell, are not in it for love. Now I could waste your time with yet another self righteous, hackneyed attempt at moral enlightening regarding inner beauty and emotional gratification, but that is not why you are here is it? You want to be entertained so here goes; why am I so compelled to watch this crap? I know it is crap. The producers of the show know its crap. I’m sure Flav knows its crap. So if I know all this, why can’t I turn off the radio (thank you Ne-Yo?). Truth be told, I too am a part of the shallow whole that can’t seem to get over outer appearance. My disdain for reality television is trumped time and again by my fascination with beauty. I, like most people, make my initial decision for a partner solely on aesthetics. There are of course, other more pertinent reasons why she may retain the position but first and foremost, my shorty is probably hot son! Does that make me shallow Hal? Is my morality tank on E because my decision for a life partner initially encompasses the diameter of her succulent orbs (breast and / or buttocks)? I guess I should feel empty but I don’t. I, like Kanye West, have learned to embrace my shallow side and revel in all the short lived gratifications that it brings. As much as I would like to believe otherwise, I am no better or worse than anyone else. I am a toddler still attracted to all things shiny when dangled before me. So I would like to urge all the devout fans of Flavor of Love and every other program on the reality TV mobile to keep watching! One day, we all will be maggot meat so we may as well enjoy beauty in all its ugliness.


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