Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Bumpy Road

So today is day three of multiple alcohol treatments to my face and their seem to be no improvements in sight. The countless swabs, pads and isopropyl drenched towels I consistently scour across my exquisite cabeza have yet to have an effect on my condition. You see, I am immersed in corporate culture and that mandates facial hair be clean shaven at all time s (I have however drawn the line at my mustache for the look of a 5”11, 215 pound babies ass does not suit me well). For some, this may not be an issue. Not for me. If anyone has listened to Lil’ Wayne and his recent attesting to the toughness of Nigerian hair, one can further understand why my issue is complex. My hairs (the ones remaining) grow in tight, spiraled coils and tends to grow inward, causing a medical condition commonly known as pseudofolliculitis barbae, or razor bumps for those of us that speak English. This is an unsightly condition caused by ingrown hairs around the shaven area and results in crops of puss filled bumps under the skin (sexy huh?). I have tried almost every possible solution to alleviate this condition and not have my face resemble a relief map. All fail miserably. This got me thinking; “Maybe 4 titanium reinforced blades mowing the hairs across my chin daily is not how one is intended to live life”. In the short term (as in fifteen minutes after I shave), the results are desired and welcome. Over the course of a few days however, I have a problem discerning my throat from inflamed sea coral. One just has to pay attention to the little signs to understand if your life choices are good ones. So what solutions does that leave me with? I can move to Philadelphia and join whatever cult of which Freeway is Grand Puba (the ROC is in the Building), proclaim my solidarity with the homeless and join their never ending struggles against grooming and hygiene, find a desired profession that does not require constant gardening (good luck), or suck it up. Most say suck it up. I saw screw that! I was never a fan of neckties, meetings about meetings and self delusionary titles whose authority spans across 4 cubicles anyway. Non elected vice presidents and assistant vice presidents with a constituent base of 10 is not my personal definition of fulfilling the American dream. With that said, allow me to embark on a series of blogs that will undoubtedly sky rocket in popularity and quickly afford me the luxuries of 7 DVD players in an electric blue Bentley coupe the soon to be affluent cannot do without. Until then however, looks like I will be soaking my head in alcohol tonight (but not for long dammit!)

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