Friday, December 9, 2011

Hip Hop and Love are destroying the fabric of America a.k.a pretty people suck!!

I was flipping through the idiot box the other day and came across a reality show called Love & Hip Hop.  Being a fan of hip hop, I stopped to see what it entailed and much to my chagrin, It was yet another installment in the multitude of shows depicting women in nothing short of an alternate, uninhabitable reality. Not picking on the women folk here but these shows seem to be viewed mostly by women with an ensemble cast comprised predominantly of women. There are a slew of reasons folk bash reality shows (negative stereotypes, negative imagery, negative role models) but that is not the lecture at hand today. My bone to pick is the notion that we are somehow entitled to say and do whatever we wish, wherever we wish and whenever we wish to wish it.

This affliction occurs more in the realm of women, specifically, the realm of attractive women. Although also prevalent in the affluent, international male super model community (of which I am a card carrying member), most men grow up under different auspices. Despite our looks, we learn at an early age (and typically with multiple bare knuckled right hooks to the nasal cavity) that you cannot say what you please, when and how you please. There are clear and present repercussions for words and actions not chosen wisely in the male kingdom. But what are the consequences for dames?

The ramifications of being an attractive asshole aren’t always evident until the nuances of being attractive wear off. A phenomena I've aptly dubbed "The Buzz Lightyear Effect" or the "Subject-Heb Agreement" (see below). As beautiful as we all believe we may be, it eventually wears off.  Then we are forced to rely on that ever elusive trait that takes us further in life but is just too damn cumbersome to refine…our personality (Nooooooooooooo...oooooo...oooo!)

An unwillingness to work on one's personality may explain why we often see the hot guy with the "ok" looking girl and vice versa.  You really want to know what he/she has that you don’t? It may just be a better temperament. It may also be a six figure bank account and cirque de soleil worthy flexibility but those traits do not a solid foundation make. Looks are your resume but your personality is your work ethic. And much like the job market, your resume gets you in the door but it won’t keep you employed if your work ethic sucks Emu ass.
         ******NEWS FLASH*****
            Men tolerate stank attitudes from pretty women just to get in their panties!
This may be the most obvious news flash in news flash history but it is true and men are mostly to blame for women's perpetual stanky leg attitudes. We are, after all, the #1 symptom for most of our ailments. All the bending over backwards and pandering to attractive women fortifies their false sense of reality. A reality in which self centered, self serving behavior is considered acceptable simply because you lend an appealing aesthetic to the environment. This behavior is not acceptable however. It is tolerated for selfish purposes. It’s the equivalent of an alligator laying still in the Bayou patiently waiting for its’ prey to get comfortable enough so it can attack. "Nah It's all good baby. Of course I'll come pick you up from Connecticut so we can hang out in Brooklyn. Of course you can order 2 lobsters just so you can lick the butter off the tail. You want to go to Zimbabwe for the weekend while cursing out everyone we come across? Why didn't you just say so pretty mama? Let's go!" Then she just can't seem to figure out why he was willing to do so much prior to copulation but currently, rolling over to hand her the remote presents itself as too daunting a task. Behold the Mars Fly Trap that is MAN!!!

The trending topic for the last few generations seems to be a fleeting aspiration toward self-censorship (#GTFOHWTBS). As Cartman from South Park once eloquently stated, “Whateva, Whateva. I do what I want!” I know it’s anti American of me to even mention the notion of self control but that is actually what the nation was founded on. Everyone loves to cite the Bill of Rights and the freedoms it affords, specifically the freedom of speech and ultimately expression, but most completely disregard that what is considered to be a doctrine of emotional carte blanche is actually constrained to an article within a bill with subtexts. It is not a “get out of thinking about it” pass. Laws a.k.a restraints and rights are the end results of anarchy, not a precursor to it. 
  Although we are all entitled to our emotions, we are not entitled to convey them when and however we wish. Ruining your day and maybe someone’s life because you choose to convey your frustrations in whatever fashion suits you hardly ever leaves both parties feeling better off about a situation. Further to that, it really is a lack of self-control causing you to consistently emote unnecessarily.
4 reasons why your good looks may be killing your chances of ever being happy 
1.    Most attractive people who buy into their attraction tend to be uncompromising, spoiled, stark raving assholes… and realize it too late!
2.     The Subject-Herb Agreement. We will all be perceived as old and ugly one day. The fleeting novelty of beauty is most often contingent on the Subject (“Damn I’m beautiful!”) and the Herb (“Damn he/she’s beautiful!”) Agreement. Once the agreement is nullified by either party (damn, you ain't that beautiful"), how do you intend to persist peaceably when forced to rely on personality traits that may be lackluster?
3.     You will find partners to be easily dispensable due to all your dating “options”. There are tons of men lined up to have sex with beautiful women which can lead to a seemingly never ending pool of suitors. The ones who actually want more than sex however (which is the one you want) wants a hot chick also but will trade off the smoking hotness for an okay looking, well mannered damsel any day of the week (which is the one we want).
4.     People are dishonest toward attractive people. They tend to want something (especially the opposite sex) and end up being less truthful in an effort to keep their prey hanging around long enough to strike. This leads to a false sense of security and an “I can do no wrong” psyche.

*Sidebar: If these women weren't hot, Todd wouldn't be hungry right now. GET YOUR OWN DAMN SANDWICH SALLY AND SAMANTHA!!! Sidebar Complete*


Anonymous said...

I am made in the image and likeness of God.

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