Warning: The following post is narcissistically self-serving and border
line delusional. It is however rooted in opinion-based fact. Please apply with
one grain of salt.
Has anyone else noticed the
names of professional athletes getting more and more African, specifically
Nigerian? I recall a time when there was the occasional Okoye or Olaujuwan on
the fields and courts but now, there are a multitude of multi voweled surnames
that begin with the letter “O” all over the NFL and NBA. There are @ least 4 Nigerian or Nigerian American players on two separate NFL teams and at least one on every single team in the NFL. So what exactly spurned this uprising? Has the western
hemisphere discovered some sort of untapped resource in Africa and are they
planning to exploit those resources for monetary benefit (sound vaguely
familiar)? Is the new Pandora located somewhere in Lagos and does Unobtanium
now come in the form of Yuroba speaking teenagers who happen to grow in 6 foot,
7 foot, and 8 foot bunches? More importantly, with so many representatives of
the original West Coast (sorry Snoop) now in American sports, how long will it take
before Jelof rice and okra based soups hit the concessions stands? Not gonna
hold my breathe on that last one.
I recall a few decades ago when
an aging CBS sports anchor suggested African Americans may be genetically
predisposed to out perform their Caucasian counterparts. Jimmy “The babbling
dotard” a.k.a “the Greek” may have been on to something with what appeared to
be racially incendiary comments at that point in time. At this juncture in civilization
however and keeping in line with the Greek’s assertions, I would like to trump
Jimbo with an equally egregious hypothesis; Africans, particularly Nigerians are genetically predisposed to succeed
in athletics! The only difference between an African and an African
American is literal location (and centuries of psychological rape but I
digress). Mike Vick and Michael Jordan could just as easily have been Michael
Ovickjukeyou and Michael Ojordunkonyou
had their ancestors not made a wrong turn @ Albuquerque. As the old
adage goes, “the closer the berry, the stronger the fruit.” But why take my word for it? Allow
me to expound on the skill sets necessary to succeed in professional sports and
why Nigerians hold the advantage in my thoroughly detailed research findings that I
am making up as I go along.
1. Physical attributes – People of the African diaspora
have a propensity to grow to rather freakish sizes whilst maintaining the
speed and dexterity necessary to navigate through the toughest of offensive lines, wrestling
any man or Manning to the ground. Post emancipation, Archie, Eli, and Peyton
never stood a chance. It must’ve been a scout’s wet dream to touch down on
African soil for the first time and witness Shaq and Serena’s partially naked ancestors
harvesting berries in the wild…assuming they had basketball and tennis back
then.
2. Intelligence – It is no secret that
Nigerians are touted as an intelligible people. From general academia to complex
offensive packages, they certainly seem to have a penchant for schemes
(offensive, defensive and internet alike). Of course this theory cannot be
proven and the underwear bomber certainly throws an elephant sized monkey
wrench in my hypothesis but that not withstanding, general consensus (of which
I am the General) lends credence to these findings.
3. Endurance – As we all know, Kenyan’s
have the market cornered on endurance. And although Nigerians are not from
Kenya, Nigerians are physically closer to Kenya than most Brooklyn residents sans
crackheads so by shear illogic and osmosis, Nigerians have more endurance than
their East New York counterparts. Yep. And I’m stickin’ to it.
4. Competition – Nigerians are a
competitive bunch. No seriously, it’s ridiculous. They believe they are better than
every living human being way before ever accomplishing a solitary thing and
then they actually set out to acquire the skill sets to back it up. This is why athletics are a natural fit for a people that are fueled by achieving excellence. Not certain where
or how it originated but any Nigerian worth their weight in credentials can attest
to the competitive nature. Which leads to the next bullet point.
5. Status – Nigerians are a status driven
people. No seriously, it’s ridiculous. A certain writer recently discovered that the name of the town his parents hail from, called Onitsha, translated to English means “Arrogance”. Nuff said. Seeing as how excellence breeds accolades, any item or title meant to illuminate them favorably shall be pursued with
maniacal focus until acquired. Multiple degrees, professions of prestige, and monetary wealth
shall be on full display at all times. It is only fitting then that professional sports, which provides a heightened environment for prestige and wealth is on the radar.
And there you have it. With
the underwhelming and irrefutably uncorroborated evidence presented in this
here dissertation, is it any wonder why so many Nigerians are populating
professional sports? In all seriousness (and at the risk of sounding like Hitler), there are certain professions that
necessitate specific physical characteristics and it is safe to surmise that if you
required individuals of a certain stature, you would be inclined to
search in the areas they most densely populate. Concurrently, if you were born with three hands, you should probably forego a career in kickboxing and try your hands at wide receiver. Let that be a message to all the parents hell bent on limiting their 6'5", 300 pound sons to academia specific professions. The Samoan Islands can’t be too far
behind with unbalanced #’s in the NFL because quite frankly, they grow them
boys big and fast down there too.
So why am I not in the NBA or
NFL you ask? Because I’m 5’11" on a good day and although I love basketball, my ability to use my right
hand has historically been referred to as “suspect” but more importantly, that is not where
my passion lies, for if it were, the fact that I am a proud Nigerian man allows
me to convince myself “I could’a been a contender” in any professional sport. Of course it’s delusional but that is
the Nigerian way. We believe we can do anything and are conditioned to make the
attempt. The only difference between faith and delusion is one’s level of success
so we could probably all use a little more delusion.
The Nigerian
Football League (NFL) Past & Present
1.
Nnamdi
Asomugha
2.
Osi Umenyiora
3.
Adewole Ogunyele
4.
Israel Idonijie
5.
Prince Amukamara
6.
Chinedum
Ndukwe
7.
Ikechuku Ndukwe
8.
Trevor Mbakwe
9.
Amobi Akoye
10. Brian
Orakpo
11. Christian
Okoye
12. Frank
Okam
13. Xavier
Adibi
14. Amobi
Okoye
15. Eric
Ogbogu
16. Akinola
“Akin” Ayodele
17. …..And
a whole bunch more but you get the point.
The Nigerian
Basketball League (NBA) Past & Present
1.
Mike Olowakandi
2.
Emeka Okafor
3.
Andre Igudala
4.
Hakeem Olajuwan
5.
Yinka Dare
6.
Solomon Alabi
7.
John Ameche
8.
Al-Farouq Aminu
9.
Ekpe Udoh
10. Gani Lawal
11. Steve
Nash (He was actually born in South Africa but once again, close enough…plus
you always need at least one token white guy on your team).
Regards,
Alfred “Show ‘em your “O” face” Obiesie
1 comments:
i love it and prepare yourself for a wave of African names! I'm going to laugh my a** off when i here the white folks struggle to pronounce the beautiful names. -- Sincerely, P. A. Bêkele-Mäkonnen I
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