Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Year End Performance Review / Your Pink Slip is Showing

Dear Me,

After evaluating your performance in the past year, I regret to inform you that your services will no longer be required. Your inability to complete rudimentary tasks without the assistance of the team (of which you are the only member) is a glaring indicator of your dedication or lack thereof. You have consistently fallen short in multiple key performance initiatives (KPI’s) including but not limited to:

· Inability to work well with utility companies (review provided by Coned, Key Span, LIPA)
· Inability to complete time sensitive laundry deliverables as was demonstrated by your display of ankle socks in 19-degree weather.
· Failure to meet all unrealistic expectations at all times and from all people.
· Consistent violation of our firm’s privacy compliance regulatory mandate TMI-MYOB Sub Code 411 et al. (review provided by Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr).
· Staunch violation of Alcohol to Water Intake policies set forth by the department of Health, FDA, Surgeon General, and in direct conflict with the Laws of New York State, physics and nature.

Several years ago, you made a declaration to the firm projecting market share would far exceed estimates and expectations. In addition, you publicly decreed that we were slated to become leaders in industry. Today, as we stand in our non existent cul de sac, admiring our brand new, V-12, fuel injected nothing with transparent colored upholstery, it is clear that your commitment to our goals are inconsistent with your actions. It is for these reasons that we have decided to terminate your contract.

We wish you all the best in the future but if precedent is any indicator, you will surely be homeless and destitute at the conclusion of this letter.


Juan N. Dasame

Myself LLC.

Sidebar* Would you hire yourself to manage your life given the job you’ve done thus far? Well you don’t have a choice so get to quality assuring! Happy New Year!! Sidebar Complete*


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