Untitled

Don’t you hate it when you are attempting to cross the street and some butthole driver is valet parked in the crosswalk? Clearly, he/she has overshot the red light. As a result, you are forced halfway into oncoming traffic, all the while praying to Jesus that your tender kneecap doesn’t get clipped by an oncoming Kia Sport. As you menacingly eyeball the driver of said vehicle (with your peripherals firmly affixed on the oncoming Kia), you curse everything the driver stands for and hope that they run out of gas on I-95… at night… in the middle of winter...in a Kia Sport. You are after all justified in your displeasure as YOU HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY.

Don’t you hate it when you are sitting at a red light and after the light turns green, some slow schmuck still crossing the street doesn’t even pretend to scamper across but gingerly strolls as if he/she were plucking petunias in the park on a Sunday afternoon? The nerve of this arrogant bung hole! As the thought crosses your mind; “If dying weren’t permanent, I swear I would run your monkey ass over twice then drive away blasting Lady Gaga”, you sedate your inner sociopath and angrily await the crossing of said discourteous pedestrian. You are after all justified in your displeasure as YOU HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY.

At some point, most have occupied the role of both pedestrian and driver in the aforementioned scenarios, with little to no regard for the antagonist. The rational that disallowed for empathy in those instances, and ultimately brought about frustration, were the entitlements assigned to the titles of “pedestrian” and “driver”. Once you embrace a title, you are bound to a set of “inalienable” rights and restrictions. These labels are not determinants for any definitive outcome however. Pedestrians get hit everyday and road rage occurs frequently enough to be given it’s own term so titles should really be taken with a grain of salt. But why take my word for it? Feel free to ask any gainfully unemployed “college grad”, unhappily never married “beautiful” woman or fabulously unwealthy “hard worker”.

So why do we place so much emphasis on titles? We quit gainfully employed careers if we haven’t received the title we feel has been earned, even if the compensation meets our needs. Most often, one has to demonstrate the skill sets applicable prior to obtaining said position so technically, you are already a “insert title here”. You just haven’t gotten the subjective say so from the powers that be.

Some folk will end long-term relationships in which one could very well be happily shackled if said title isn’t eventually suited for suits. That title however can just as easily go from boyfriend/girlfriend to married, unhappily married, or single so be cautious as to the ultimatums you set forth when title searching. When you find the perfect companion (no one) and the career that satiates your every desire (doesn’t exist), you won’t care if you are officially titled the Single Sh*t Shoveler so is the issue truly the title or an insatiable sensation that you are somehow deserving of more?

There are instances when the presumed skills associated with a title are necessary, particularly when lives are at stake. For the sake of law and order, I would appreciate anyone with the title of “Police Officer” to have police officer skills, or at the very least, nun chuck skills. However, as we have witnessed multiple police officers drunk with power to the extent that they violate the laws they are sworn to uphold (like running red lights at the very least), it becomes ever clear that titles can be quite damaging, especially when one embraces these titles then sets forth to either fulfill, dispel or abuse the entitelments.

Labels represents not just a title, but more importantly, the values, most often societal imposed, associated with said nomenclature. The acceptance that comes with a sought after title is unparalleled. Introducing your millionaire banker beau to your friends evokes a much more appealing response than your broke bartender boo. When the banker is Bernie Madoff however, then title becomes convoluted and the subsequent values need to be reevaluated. Values that already constantly evolve contingent on the agreed upon deeds that led to the title. Values that already constantly evolve contingent on popular consensus. Values that already constantly evolve contingent on the ruling class. As some things are better left unsaid, maybe some things are better left untitled.